Kavya
passionné
résistant
idéaliste

Boredom

It caused hedda gabler to convince her old lover to kill himself - heck, it got her to kill herself too- and was still not driven away . It got Svidrigailov to rape innocent children and was still not satiated. It got me to fail my AP Stat exam - wait, that hasnt happened yet.



But looking at what im doing now, at 10.13pm the night before my AP Stat test, it may well be the most accurate prediction of the future i have made yet.



Boredom. What is it about this concept, this nothingness, this lack of attention span that causes it to dominate my life to this degree? People speak of the irvine bubble - heck, i come from singapore. The entire country is a bubble. My family is like a bubble within a bubble. Dont talk to me about bubbles - im pretty much bubble girl. I'm used to bubbles.



But even though im used to this sheltering and ive found other means of amusement, boredom still plagues me as it always has. Ive gotten bored with things ever since i can remember. I get bored with food, with books, with people, with conversations, even with TESTS. Yes, in the middle of a test i have the incredable ability to fall asleep. Its happened so many times that its just plainly sad.



Why am i not able to concentrate on one thing at a time without loosing my attention span? Classes here (and lets face it, even most in singapore) are like naps with my eyes open. There is absolutely no merit in attending most of them. Honestly, pretty much none of my teachers (with the exception of mr farley) teach in class. Shmenk's can only be concidered random peices of thought interjected by Cs on essays. Malkin's is very amusing, but honestly i have no clue what ive learnt (same with Dunzen's). Farley teaches very well, but sadly for me, he teaches at the pace that the stat class learns. I dont think ive been focused for one lesson this entire year. I spend stat either gazing unfocousedly at the board or drawing little cartoons. Lastly, Antrim's class is one thats pretty much openly self study, but its the most effective one of them all. He's obviously easily approachable. He teaches if you ask him to. The system works - he doesnt teach, i dont get bored.



So honestly, what is it that seperates me from the student that pays full attention in most of his/her classes? Am i just lazy?Why cant i find amusement in things like having conversations about britney spears, or Amitab Bachan's family?

I dont know. There are times i wish i didnt think quite as much, that i could be happy with simple thoughts and simple pleasures that others revel in. I guess im not quite that lucky. Boredom is destined to plague me.