intro
Je n'ai pas peur de la route
Faudrait voir, faut qu'on y goûte
Des méandres au creux des reins
Et tout ira bien là
Le vent nous portera
noir desir- le vent nous portera
blog
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Sticky.Foolish. Thats about all i feel at this moment.
The overwhelming feelings of pent up frustration, anger, sorrow, mystery and misery have coagulated into a gigantic gobstopper of stress - today, at long last, i feel like ive bitten down and conquered the growing monstrosity that has plagued me for so long.
The incredible foolishness of my worries - the stereotypical idiocy that i felt would never ever plague me - is finally apparent. Its like ive reached an epiphany of sorts, where finally ive risen above the triviality of the issues at hand and am staring, agape, at what i have been doing the past two weeks.
I cannot believe, today, as i gaze upon what i was so very disappointed about, what i was disturbed on an unprecedented level about, that it had affected me so. Why had i let it, why had i let my guard down and indulged in such decadent lack of logic? There is no excuse - there is seriously none.
Stereotypes that have long been the object of my own ridicule got to me, and i let them into my mind and heart. Things i thought i was immune to, things i wouldnt have given two hoots about just a few days ago - they were the force behind my downcast eyes, my false smiles, my overwhelming feeling of drowning in a gigantic pool of chocolate - yes, chocolate, so sweet, so indulgent, yet so sticky and so addictive that it never really gets off you. I guess i just woke up, realized that i was drowning - but itll take awhile to get the chocolate off me, and perhaps, awhile more to get rid of that sticky, sickly sweet feeling that it will leave behind.
And worse yet, these stereotypical worries led to so many unfounded fears, wild predictions and awful thoughts about the future that i harped upon them even more than i was inclined to do to begin with. There is something about threatening the future that causes a shiver to run down my spine. Theres just so much i'm investing in my future that i guess the thought that it isnt going to work out, on whatever front, is absolutely horrifying. Again, my extrapolation in this case was absolutely illogical and was probably exaggerated to a large degree, but it does help explain the fact that i couldnt shift my mind from it for so very long.
But its over.
The chocolate's wearing off.
I'm me again.
And nothing- and no one - else is relevant.
