Kavya
passionné
résistant
idéaliste

Changing times

There are times in one's life that one has to step back, and question the relationships she has made with the world. Times when some of those relationships have shriveled up and died under one's nose, and one has no idea about it until they shatter into a million peices irretrievably. Today is one of those times. These past few weeks, actually, have been extended times like these.

After this juncture in our lives, what with one more month of school and a ton of summer comming up, i seriously dont think that most of these relationships will last. Take singapore for example. At least 300 people whom ive known and loved, out of which i actually legitimately keep in real touch with around 5? thats around 1.5%. wow. 10 years and 5 really close people. What has this world come to?


Today i realised, i guess, that im not quite as close to certain people as i once thought i was. I really cant blame them, its kind of true now that i think about it. You just dont know certain people that well. Especially when they've been together since grade school, even kindergarten. Its amazing that i actually thought differently. I delude myself so much that its kind of scary, and i was just given a jolt of reality by a phone call that i can completely understand and sympathise with, but that, for some wierd reason, i didnt expect.

Last week was another shocker. Sometimes you get so close to someone, so very close, that when they do something unbelievably shocking, you cant absorb its effect upon you. You just cant. It took three days to understand what that person did, and even now, my heart just wants to take a magic eraser and change all of it, as im sure hers does too, but its kind of strange that i, the one who was sinned against, is the one feeling the need to redeem the situation. I need to get rid of that instinct. It has led me astray too many times.

Even now, it screams that i should be the bigger person and extend the hand of, perhaps temporary, friendship to the friend i lost so very long ago, even though every fibre in my being is against that person, even though i know that it will not end well. I cannot help it. I cannot. And that has been my downfall.